All throughout my life, I was horrible at saying no, or setting boundaries for other people in my life. I found myself saying yes out of obligation, or being taken advantage of, and depending on the person being manipulated into saying yes to things I felt uncomfortable with. To say the least I learned the hard way that self love and taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. Your health and happiness are two of the most important things that should not be put second. When you do try to people please and when you are uncomfortable in saying yes, then your health and mindset declines. There will be difficult people in all situations and at a variety of points in your life, but that doesn't mean you have to settle or be used as a punching bag.

As a young woman, I have found that my friends and I are at different places in life and it can be hard saying no to them because I never want to grow apart since I am also the worst at goodbyes. Peer pressure has become a problem for me even more so in adulthood. I start feeling guilty because my personality is so much different than so-and-so's and it's more of a forced friendship rather than just something that comes naturally. If you have read some of my personal blogs before, I have talked about how I get really bad anxiety. I will be the first one to tell you, people will use this against you, because they know how hard it is for you to say no and how hard it is for you to set boundaries because you don't want to be rude or unkind. I have been there and done that, and trust me when I tell you it's emotionally draining.

So how do I handle these awkward "NO" situations and putting boundaries in place? I listen to my gut. If someone gets rude, or uncooperative about respecting my boundaries, I take time to think about what I want to say and then I respond to them about how I am feeling. I honestly couldn't do that 2 years ago, it is an art form of patience in it's self to restrain because you become hurt at the situation, but just remember you do not want to sink to a low level, you must be respectful and kind even if that person isn't. The last thing you want to do is blow up and say something you might regret later, because words hurt, and being grown up is learning to not hurt the person who hurt you back, but to try to understand. You are better than that, and it can be very easy in the moment to forget that.

Another thing that helps me, is staying off social media, not being close to my phone and trying not to get dragged into the pull of the circus. You ever heard of that saying that goes, "Not my circus, not my monkeys?" That's basically what it means, you have your life whether it be career, school, ect. to focus on and spending hours trying to have a conversation with difficult people, or getting frustrated with social media drama is insane. You're better off just walking away, until you get a handle on your mindset. You also have to be careful of nosey people on Facebook, you know you have at least one person who asks a million and one questions when you post about something semi personal, and you just know them because you're acquaintances, you do not have to explain anything to anyone. If you feel uncomfortable answering, don't, just politely say I rather not say and keep it to yourself. Someone is either going to take it offensive, or understand, and if they take it offensive, you can just say I am sorry you feel that way, I'm sure that there are things you would rather keep to yourself, but if it is a problem that you're that curious when I post something and won't give you all the information because I would rather keep it personal for my own reasons, you can unsubscribe to my posts. That way you have been very clear about your boundaries and you give them a solution, instead of a negative answer back.

It's very hard to remain positive in a world that can become negative at times, but that doesn't mean we don't do our best. You can genuinely tell when someone is in your life because they care about you verses they "have" to because of what you give them, or whatever the reason is. The best you can do is stay true to yourself, realize that you know yourself better than anyone else, and that you don't have to have a negative outlook on yourself just because someone else does. Look at the blessings you have, make a choice to be happy, and when you do have to say no, or deal with an awkward conversation just be clear on your boundaries and why you have chosen to say no. They are either going to be negative about it or respect you, and you have the choice to cut out all the negative/toxic relationships and people that stress you out. You are not a punching bag, you are not someones excuse to gossip, you are not selfish, you are a badass just for being yourself, and you deserve a right to live the way you choose to.

50 Shades: The Book, The Movie, & The Media

In my last blog, I reviewed the 50 Shades of Grey Movie prior to reading the books and knowing only hear say of what the media & people said about it. I had asked on Facebook about opinions on reading it when I found out they were making it into a movie. I obviously got mixed reviews as there are just as many with movie. I have to be honest, I didn't know what to expect and I was nervous from peoples opinions & the media about going to see it. Throughout the movie I tuned all other opinions but my own down & off. I never want to completely write off something because other people don't like it. I am entitled to my opinion, as everyone is regardless of what it is. I started writing this blog just on my opinion about the book & movie together, but it ended up being about the books, the movie, & how the media perceives it vs. how I perceive it. I guess that's the beauty in writing, you start writing it one way and sometimes it takes you by surprise in the middle of forming your opinion about the matter.

I want to go ahead and let it be known I'm not trying to convince anyone to change their opinion about whether they like it. It's not my job to argue with anyone whether they liked it or not. You're completely entitled to whatever your opinion is, but I have to say just by reading tons of thousands of comments on articles, blogs, and other social media comments, that most people haven't read all 3 of the books and they form an opinion. I honestly want to know how are people victimizing a book character when they didn't really have an open mind to begin with about the movie and didn't read all 3 books? We live in a world where people do little to no research before they post something on Facebook, or social media in general. We've become very lazy and the irony in this is because we have all this technology right at our finger tips and we choose not to use it to benefit and educate us. I'm constantly telling people to educate themselves, not as a rude gesture but because it is a pet peeve of mine, if someone is going to have a difference opinion and argue that I'm wrong that the least they can do is be educated on the matter. This is not a matter of being right or wrong, but about being closed minded and opinionated just for the sake of wanting to have an opinion. I have no problem with people standing up for their beliefs but what I do have a problem with is how they are going about it in this instance.

There was a disney favorite of mine that lost a bet with their husband, so her intention was to hold a sign in her bra and underwear that said #consent because the movie didn't sit right with her. I have no knowledge that she didn't attempt to read the books, but only saw the movie. You all have probably heard this thousands of times since the movie came out and opinions were formed, but you will not understand exactly what and where the story is going unless you read the books. The movie left major parts out and turned down the sexual nature of it. I will admit when reading the first book that I was giggling about Anastasia's inner goddess most of the time and I did think some of the dialogue that Ana had in her head was giggle worthy, (*cough* Her own Christian Grey popsicle *cough*), but it made the book bearable for me. Some of it felt like fan fiction a little bit, but I had this dire need to finish all 3 books to get to the bottom of this story.

I'm going to spoil some things for you guys who didn't read/see the movie, so if you don't want me to ruin anything, don't read ahead.

A lot of people are saying Anastasia was raped. This can't make any more sense, because in both of the movies and books she's constantly day dreaming of Mr. Grey because she can't seem to shake the effect he has on her. Surely enough when you have this instant connection with people, and you fall for them you can't seem to shake them either. It's the same concept, expect E.L. James isn't the writer of our lives and there probably will never be a hot billionaire awaiting for us. Sorry ladies.

To go off that point, a lot of people are also saying that was she was hesitant and that's why they think she was raped. Well of course a virgin who has just been introduced into that world, who has only really set her eyes relationship and sexual wise on Christian Grey, would feel the need to ask and would be curious about it all, how else are we supposed to learn and understand. He didn't even know she was a Virgin, hence why she said "I'm a situation" she wanted to make love to Christian.

I will never probably completely understand the BDSM world, nor do I know how true this story is to that world, but I do know people and I use the term people loosely, because this is a book character, deal with certain heavy aspects of their life differently. I don't think everyone is as lucky as certain people who, like me can just pick up a pen write something and feel better because it's off of my chest. If you really bothered to read all 3 stories, you'd realize Christian Grey is a broken man until he falls in love with Anastasia Steele. I mentioned before that I didn't feel like this first movie was a 'love story' because it's only one part of a whole, but reading all 3 books, it's only the beginning of a love story. He wasn't born into money, he's had a trouble past, and obviously he didn't have normal relationships like most people do, but some people are not most people. A lot of people freaked out because prince charming had a kinky dark side to him, but not all of them really understood why. I watched a movie called Black Snake Moan one time, and it changed my view on how people deal with pain. Sometimes it doesn't always make sense to us, but "pain demands to be felt" and most of us deal with it in a variety of ways.

Christian tells Ana that she has the power, and it's just that, she does. She's made it clear of what she is comfortable with, if she didn't like something she said so. She even left at the end of the book and the movie. In the Second book, Christian wouldn't even take her back into the Playroom, she wandered in there herself, because there are certain perks she likes about trying new things with him. I can't speak on behalf of anyone else's love life, but it's that way with anything now a days. How do we truly know we don't like something until we try it, unless the thought just makes us completely uncomfortable, but in that instance I would think Ana would have said red and bounced and never looked back, but then we wouldn't have Fifty Shades Darker or Freed.

Many people red flagged Christian as being stalkerish (I am officially making this a word), and I get how it looks, but I recall Twilight having that same effect on people. Some people just come off strong, and in these books or movies, sometimes it's just best to not read too much into it and just let it be for entertainment. We overanalyze every little detail, it gets exhausting. Let's just not do it people.

For an example, my favorite book and movie, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, was criticized by many people saying that it romanticized cancer. Many people miss the bigger picture when it comes to these wonderful literary works of art, and that my friends is perhaps the saddest. I almost feel like people criticize books and movies like they do the bible, they pick out what they disagree with and they discard the rest. You cannot look at something half heartedly and run with it, things get messy when people do this. Like I said, I'm not trying to persuade anyone, but after taking 3 weeks to read all 3 books I feel like people can either like it or not like it, but it's kind of unfair, not to mention extreme, to tell people were going to hell for liking it or even getting people to donate books to burn them. If that is what we are wasting our energy on, it's sad.

In conclusion, people will always clash and have different opinions, but people should also respect each others opinions, and form our own opinions about the matter. My call to action is that we stop letting the media and other people think for us, because just because it's on Facebook, doesn't automatically mean it's true. Steve Jobs once said to "stay hungry, stay foolish," I feel it is the same with knowledge, you can never have to much of it. Keep an open mind, work hard, love what you love, and don't forget it's okay to just be yourself. Own all of it. It's just that simple.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the photos, all rights go to those who do own the rights.

50 Shades Review.

SPOILERS AHEAD! Don't read if you don't want to know parts of the movie, if you don't care, read on!

Each week, if within our budget, my husband and I try to escape our hectic lives for a few hours and get lost by watching a movie at the theater. (usually the cheapest days are tuesdays, only 6 bucks!) Honestly, who doesn't want to save a few bucks, especially on movies because they get costly. This week was no different, given my busy school schedule I figured since this movie raised so many eye brows within it's books that it would be a good blog posting for those of you who are unsure if you want to let your curiosity win or whether let everyone else tell you what to think. I will first and foremost say my opinion is my own, and surely so is everyone else's.

Note: I didn't read the books because I wanted to be completely in the dark about what happens and have no preconceived thoughts since I am indeed a huge book reader and will always (with an exception of a few) think the books will be better.

I'll be honest, this movie isn't for ANYONE under the age of 18. I would've hoped my mom would've told me no even if I begged her to go see this as a teenager. It's rated R for a reason. The reason I bring this up is because I seen a "note to my daughter" type of article on the movie floating around social media and caught my eye so I read it and the lady goes in depth saying how she gave in to the peer pressures of curiosity and watched it and how she regrets it now. If you are a grown adult and you hear talk about this 'love story' but yet you have doubts that you may not like it or even realize what the story is about, why go see it if you're not going to have an open mind? I get that you're curious, but I'm not shocked because I knew from the media and word on the street about what it was going to be about. I don't regret it and yes, I even gave into my curiosity as well. Were only human after all. It just is what it is. Keep reading because isn't my official opinion.

With that being said, lets get down to it. There are give or take 4 to 5 sex scenes if I didn't miscount. You see body parts as far as butts and boobs go, and honestly it didn't really bother me. Maybe it's because I'm grown up and married, naked bodies really don't bother me anymore, verses when I was a terribly insecure preteen. I can handle the whole nature of sexy, I honestly don't think there's anymore rated R movies that go without at least one pair of boobs, a sex scene in general, or a butt shot. So the nudity was fair considering what part of the story was about. It was done very tastefully, the director was on point with the camera angles. Very honest dialogue, I'm not sure what's true to the book, but if the dialogue was a lot like the book, I'll most likely enjoy the book.

Character choices - Now I know a lot of the fans of the book had preconceived ideas of who should be Christian Grey and who should be Anastasia Steele, and trust me I understand. When you're such a big fan of a book, you want casting to be pretty close to what you imagine. Let's get real though lots of talented actors/actresses auditioned for these roles and originally Charlie Hunnam was casted as Christian Grey but dropped out. Everyone especially when it's you're name on it has limits. I feel like he was more of a 'Thor' type of man than a business man, maybe it's the muscles. haha. I'm not sure what 'grey' looks like in everyone else's minds that are a fan of the books, but Jamie Dornan in my head was the meant to be Christian Grey. I'm not so sure I would've liked it if another guy played Grey. He's very likable. I was stunned even when before the movie came out that people were saying Dakota Johnson wasn't even pretty, because she's naturally pretty and especially for the role of Anastasia Steele you want someone naturally pretty who can pull off that innocent girl next door thing. I have to admit I found her to be quite charming. Everyone else was good too! The chemistry between Dornan and Johnson was the kind that you hoped for.

How do I feel about the whole thing? I'll be honest. I enjoyed the movie. Call me what you will for liking it, even judge me, because I know a few of you are. Let me tell you why I liked it. The story I don't in this particular one like to call a 'love story' mainly because it's only one sided, you can tell that Grey cares for Steele but he's a broken man. I feel like a lot of women fall for the wrong types of guys, that or some of us fall in love and the guy has major baggage and we especially how innocent Anastasia was don't really know how to help it, so we do and do and do until we get to that breaking point. I don't want to give major details away, but I will say in the last scene in the 'play room' (and no ladies it's not a room with an xbox) that was her breaking point. I truly believe he should've been man enough to realize he needs to fix himself before he did that. Keep in mind, I have no idea what happens after that last scene. Maybe he does, maybe he will. I'm naturally curious and once I start something I have to finish it, so I'll more than likely watch the next one and read the books.

But, if you're asking me if I think Christian Grey is an abuser and Anastasia is the victim and it's only romanticizing domestic violence then no. I think it's a case of the guy has issues, the girl wanted to be the one to fix him. Throughout the whole movie, she negotiates the 'contract', she doesn't even sign it there are 'unwritten rules', in multiple scenes she tells him to leave, to take her home, that she has to go to Georgia, she doesn't even stay after the negotiation, she slaps his hand off of her leg at dinner with his family, and even in that last scene she gave consent. Love makes us do stupid things, even things that were not proud of, but we don't run and yell fire each time we get it wrong. She is not a victim, he may be '50 shades of fucked up' but it's also just a story. Regardless if it's you're cup of tea, let other people decide for their own if they like it. They are not going to hell because they are curious, and we shouldn't be making grown adults feel bad for liking something that you don't like.

I went into it with an open mind. No preconceived ideas of who I thought the characters should or shouldn't be, how everything should be. I gave it a chance. If only the media would do the same and only say what they have to say and move on from it if they don't then that would be great.


P.S. Let's just take a minute to appreciate the soundtrack. I'm obsessed.