All throughout my life, I was horrible at saying no, or setting boundaries for other people in my life. I found myself saying yes out of obligation, or being taken advantage of, and depending on the person being manipulated into saying yes to things I felt uncomfortable with. To say the least I learned the hard way that self love and taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. Your health and happiness are two of the most important things that should not be put second. When you do try to people please and when you are uncomfortable in saying yes, then your health and mindset declines. There will be difficult people in all situations and at a variety of points in your life, but that doesn't mean you have to settle or be used as a punching bag.
As a young woman, I have found that my friends and I are at different places in life and it can be hard saying no to them because I never want to grow apart since I am also the worst at goodbyes. Peer pressure has become a problem for me even more so in adulthood. I start feeling guilty because my personality is so much different than so-and-so's and it's more of a forced friendship rather than just something that comes naturally. If you have read some of my personal blogs before, I have talked about how I get really bad anxiety. I will be the first one to tell you, people will use this against you, because they know how hard it is for you to say no and how hard it is for you to set boundaries because you don't want to be rude or unkind. I have been there and done that, and trust me when I tell you it's emotionally draining.
So how do I handle these awkward "NO" situations and putting boundaries in place? I listen to my gut. If someone gets rude, or uncooperative about respecting my boundaries, I take time to think about what I want to say and then I respond to them about how I am feeling. I honestly couldn't do that 2 years ago, it is an art form of patience in it's self to restrain because you become hurt at the situation, but just remember you do not want to sink to a low level, you must be respectful and kind even if that person isn't. The last thing you want to do is blow up and say something you might regret later, because words hurt, and being grown up is learning to not hurt the person who hurt you back, but to try to understand. You are better than that, and it can be very easy in the moment to forget that.
Another thing that helps me, is staying off social media, not being close to my phone and trying not to get dragged into the pull of the circus. You ever heard of that saying that goes, "Not my circus, not my monkeys?" That's basically what it means, you have your life whether it be career, school, ect. to focus on and spending hours trying to have a conversation with difficult people, or getting frustrated with social media drama is insane. You're better off just walking away, until you get a handle on your mindset. You also have to be careful of nosey people on Facebook, you know you have at least one person who asks a million and one questions when you post about something semi personal, and you just know them because you're acquaintances, you do not have to explain anything to anyone. If you feel uncomfortable answering, don't, just politely say I rather not say and keep it to yourself. Someone is either going to take it offensive, or understand, and if they take it offensive, you can just say I am sorry you feel that way, I'm sure that there are things you would rather keep to yourself, but if it is a problem that you're that curious when I post something and won't give you all the information because I would rather keep it personal for my own reasons, you can unsubscribe to my posts. That way you have been very clear about your boundaries and you give them a solution, instead of a negative answer back.
It's very hard to remain positive in a world that can become negative at times, but that doesn't mean we don't do our best. You can genuinely tell when someone is in your life because they care about you verses they "have" to because of what you give them, or whatever the reason is. The best you can do is stay true to yourself, realize that you know yourself better than anyone else, and that you don't have to have a negative outlook on yourself just because someone else does. Look at the blessings you have, make a choice to be happy, and when you do have to say no, or deal with an awkward conversation just be clear on your boundaries and why you have chosen to say no. They are either going to be negative about it or respect you, and you have the choice to cut out all the negative/toxic relationships and people that stress you out. You are not a punching bag, you are not someones excuse to gossip, you are not selfish, you are a badass just for being yourself, and you deserve a right to live the way you choose to.
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